Acapulco: Full Circle

Tuesday, November 6, 1990

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Standing with HOLLY in his arms in the middle of the bedroom, ROGER looks intently into her eyes. After a second's pause, ROGER gently puts HOLLY down.

ROGER [draping the dress around HOLLY'S shoulders]: Listen, it's getting chilly. Please put this on. Please.

HOLLY [somewhat calmer, but mystified]: Roger, why? Why are you doing this?

ROGER [quietly]: I don't know. Strange, isn't it?

HOLLY: Why did you stop?

At this, ROGER turns and looks at HOLLY.

ROGER: I'm going to make us some tea.

HOLLY: Roger...

ROGER: Holly, come on. [He pulls the dress to try to cover her cleavage.] I'm a married man.

HOLLY: That never stopped you before.

ROGER: Well, it sure as hell should have.

HOLLY: That's it? It's that simple . . . you're a married man?

ROGER: I can't!

HOLLY: But why?

ROGER: Maybe I'm just not such a monster.

HOLLY: Are you trying to prove something to me?

ROGER: And to me too.

HOLLY: What, what do you want?

ROGER: I guess I want a life Holly.

HOLLY: You mean that? [looking at ROGER curiously]

ROGER: What?

HOLLY: It's like Costa Verde, only different.

ROGER: What is?

HOLLY: You. You look so vulnerable; like it matters what I think.

ROGER [with a sad laugh]: Oh, Holly, it always mattered.

HOLLY frowns:

I remember one time it didn't.

ROGER: And that defines us, doesn't it? That night. It's like there was nothing before it or after it.

HOLLY: What do you expect?

ROGER: Nothing. But don't you ever wish we could let it go?

HOLLY gives ROGER a sharp look.

ROGER: This is nuts, Holly. You want to go back to the hotel?

HOLLY: No, no, forget it. [She looks at the clock; it is way past ten, and Perkins never came.] All right. Let's . . . What happened? Why did you ever want to marry me?

ROGER: I loved you.

HOLLY: Did you really?

ROGER: As much as I could love anybody. I thought, you know, I had this idea of how it could be.

HOLLY: Didn't work out according to your plans, huh?

ROGER [vulnerable]: I wanted. . . I wanted you to . . .

HOLLY: I married you Roger, wasn't that enough?

ROGER: Ah, but see? Listen to the way you say that. Do you hear that? Like it was a burden that you took on--like it was something you had to make the best of.

HOLLY: That's not the way it was; at least I was there.

ROGER: Were you?

HOLLY: You know I was.

ROGER: Oh yeah, you showed up, but . . .

HOLLY: But what?

ROGER: O.K. You remember our honeymoon. Do you remember what you said?

ROGER sits on the bed, beside HOLLY (who still hasn't put her dress on).

HOLLY: I'm sure we said a lot of things.

ROGER: Except one. [ROGER looks slightly away from her.] Do you remember what you said when I asked . . . if you loved me?

HOLLY [shakes her head]: Kinda crazy question to ask if we were on our honeymoon.

ROGER: O.K., but do you remember what you said?

HOLLY: No.

ROGER [He pauses . . .]: You said, "I can't look at it that way."

HOLLY [softly] I don't remember that. [She gets up to put on the dress, partly to avoid ROGER'S eyes.] I guess . . . I was just trying to be honest.

ROGER [yelling at first . . .hurt]: I didn't need honesty! I needed words, you know. I needed you to take me around. I needed to feel that you were there for me somehow, and when you said that it was just like. . .

HOLLY: So you shut down and got angry! Well, how was I supposed to know that? I mean you didn't tell me that! You just . . .

They both shake their heads in frustration, and HOLLY walks back onto the terrace.

Back out on the terrace, HOLLY leans against a pillar, and ROGER joins her there. They stand close together, talking gently.

HOLLY: Is that all it would have taken? Is that what you're saying . . .you needed the words?

ROGER shakes his head, not looking at her at first, but then turning to her . . .

ROGER: No, I needed . . . [sad laugh] a lot.

HOLLY: And I didn't provide it.

ROGER: It's not like that. I'm not blaming you, and nothing excuses what happened.

HOLLY: But, you know, I just didn't know that. I never saw that.

ROGER: Oh Holly, there's nothing you could have done. It got to the point where I wouldn't tell you anything, not even the smallest thing. It's almost like I would lie for the sake of lying. Just not a thing you could have done. I just never felt like I was enough.

HOLLY: Roger, I married you. [ROGER nods at this, but as if to say, "But that wasn't enough."] I was married to Ed and I had an affair with you. Didn't that tell you anything?

ROGER: That told me you were passionate, and that we were passionate together, but I tell you that I never, ever felt like you respected me, neither as your husband. . . as a man.

HOLLY: You were never there.

ROGER: Oh, I was there.

ROGER looks down as he whispers that, and HOLLY looks skeptical, so he tries to explain.

ROGER: But, I mean, I was very stupid, and I had this real idea of being out there in the marketplace and going out there and making a big success of myself and making you proud of me, and fix everything.

HOLLY: And what about all those late nights with all those other women? [She turns away.] Never mind, I don't want to know.

ROGER: That was lousy. That was all terrible, you're right. But I'm telling you it was part of the same thing, the need to get ahead . . . the need to use whoever I could. It had nothing to do with them.

HOLLY: It had to do with you.

ROGER: And you. I wanted to bring it all home to you on a silver platter, baby.

HOLLY: And then what? Then what would happen?

ROGER: Then . . . you'd . . . talk to me.

HOLLY: What?

ROGER: You'd tell me that it was enough. . . that I was enough. You'd tell me something!

HOLLY: I talked to you, Roger. I told you things all the time.

ROGER: Oh that was fighting, not talking. That was how I would find out that I had messed up.

HOLLY: Then you'd want to jump into bed and fix things.

ROGER: But, you know, I couldn't feel like the fights were the only thing that defined us. You know . . I . . It had to be something more than what was coming down with all those fights.

HOLLY: I couldn't do it; I . . .not after fighting. And you know it's like the anger was a turn-on for you.

ROGER: Well, maybe that was part of it.

HOLLY: But that was sick. Can't you see that? I couldn't respond.

ROGER: I'm not saying you should have. All I'm saying is I didn't know what to do. I would come home at night and I'd take one look at your face and I'd say--"OK, something's wrong. [HOLLY looks grim at that thought.] Now let's see if I can figure this out. What do I do, what do I say, what have I done, what can I do to make this woman smile?" Just didn't know what to do.

HOLLY: Why didn't you ask me?

ROGER: Ah, why didn't you tell me?

HOLLY [After a pause . . . softly]: I couldn't. I didn't know myself.

ROGER takes a deep breath --almost crying-- as HOLLY walks away from him.

As ROGER, deep in thought, sits on the chest at the end of the bed, HOLLY kneels on the floor in front of him.

HOLLY: I want you to tell me the truth. [ROGER nods.] I know you have ideas about what was going to be or what should have been . . . forget all that. Just . . . do you think it could have worked for us?

ROGER smiles.

HOLLY: What?

ROGER: It's the first time you said "us".

HOLLY: Answer me.

ROGER: I was crazy about you Hol, and I was totally nuts about our daughter.

HOLLY: But could it have worked?

ROGER [pauses]: That's what breaks my heart.

HOLLY sits back to see ROGER from another angle.

HOLLY: You know, I was watching you the other day at the convention, and I suddenly noticed that you have gray hair. What's even sillier is how it surprised me.

ROGER [really laughing for the first time that evening]: It's kinda hard to miss.

HOLLY: But when I think of you and me I see us back then. It was like I suddenly realized . . .

ROGER: What? That we're old??

HOLLY: No, that we were so young. I mean Blake is older now than we ever were. I didn't have a clue, Roger. I was just blowin' in the wind. I wasn't in touch with my feelings. I couldn't have made you happy; I wasn't happy. God knows how I ever raised our daughter.

ROGER: Don't do that to yourself. You did better with her than anybody could have. C'mon. I never gave you a chance. I just took and took like she was my prize. . . like I won something if I took her from you. I never gave you a chance. [He pauses.] Listen. It sounds so pathetic, after all these years, but I am so, so sorry. . . so sorry, for all of it.

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HOLLY, with tears in her eyes, gets back up. ROGER comes to her.

ROGER: What?

HOLLY: It could have worked. I mean we weren't stupid; it could have worked.

ROGER [smiling, shaking his head, touching her hair]: Oh, Holly.

HOLLY: Don't be so nice to me; you don't know what I almost did.

HOLLY turns away, looking at the clock. Since HOLLY'S back is to ROGER, she doesn't see the look in his eyes--full of love.

ROGER: Oh, you didn't almost do anything; I wouldn't have hurt you.

HOLLY [Turning to him]: Wait a minute.

HOLLY goes to her purse, pulls out the gun, and shows it to ROGER. It is so small that she can hold it in the palm of one hand.

HOLLY: Do you see this? If I thought you were going to hurt me, if you even looked like you were going to hurt me, I was going to pay you back for what you did to me. I think I even wanted you to give me the excuse to use this.

ROGER puts one hand under hers, and one over the gun, and looks deeply into her eyes.

ROGER: I understand. Listen . . . Listen to me. I did that to you. I put that fear and that hatred in you. It was me. And I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry.

ROGER touches HOLLY'S forehead, face and hair.

HOLLY: What am I going to do? I've hated you for so many years. I feel empty now.

ROGER pulls HOLLY close against him and kisses her forehead. She puts her head on his shoulder; ROGER embraces her and rubs her shoulder soothingly.

ROGER: Oh, maybe we're just not so lost anymore.

ROGER closes his eyes as the episode ends . . .

Next Scene:
A Morning After