Acapulco: The Convention

Monday, October 29, 1990

At the convention, HOLLY stands at the Love Bug booth, trying to make a sales pitch to "HOMER." A fractious ROGER joins them.

HOMER: We don't like a lot of racy kind of talkin' my way.

HOLLY: Oh, we don't either. And Nadine is very old-fashioned. And very sensitive to the viewers' needs. We don't allow anything objectionable on the air. The Love Bug is strictly G-rated.

HOMER: Is it going to get real mushy?

ROGER, taking this in, looks up with a "Cary Grant-spots-Ralph Bellamy" grimace.

HOLLY: Well, you know, Homer, I think that is romantic. And the average female viewer, 18-34, that is what she most frequently asks for.

HOMER: True. Uh, well, let me run it by our general manager.

HOLLY: By all means. Come back to see us.

HOLLY shakes hands with HOMER, and he leaves.

ROGER [Through a clenched smile]: You dragged me down to Mexico, for this?

HOLLY: What did you expect--cocktails by the pool?

ROGER: Well, I'll tell you what I--

ROGER stops short, and they both laugh as one of the convention-goers walks by the booth and surreptiously walks away with some of the refreshments. As the conversation proceeds in low tones, they smile and nod glibly at passersby.

ROGER: I'll tell you what I expected. I expected an auditorium--maybe a crowd of people I could speak address.

HOLLY: You're not the president of Spaulding here. You're an investor with a product to sell.

ROGER: If you're expecting me to act like a used car salesman, you can forget it.

HOLLY: C'mon. Can't you fake being charming for a few hours?

ROGER: No. See you back at the hotel.

ROGER rises from his chair, but the fates are against him. A little short, plump, grandmotherly "type" comes up to the booth with a hearty, "Hi, there! What's The Love Bug all about?" HOLLY can't resist . . .

HOLLY: Oh . . . Roger, why don't you tell . . . uh . . .[looking at the name tag] Moselle here all about our show? [Under her breath] It's your money.

MOSELLE: Yeah, Rog. Show me what you're about!

ROGER [Looking dumbfounded for a second, but then putting his arm around Moselle's shoulder and leading her to a section of the booth]: Uh . . . well, Moselle, I think this is gonna be your kind of show, and I'll tell you why. Because it's all about love . . .

The scene fades with HOLLY laughing at ROGER.

MOSELLE: This is little Mosy. She's named after me, of course. Oh, my husband's dead, by the way. Anyway, poor little Mosy just got rid of hair lice. Can you imagine washing that head of hair every day? My daughter thought she'd go crazy. She blew out two hair dryers. Do you have children?

ROGER sends HOLLY a distress signal over MOSELLE'S head.

ROGER: I have a daughter.

MOSELLE: But no grandkids, right? Ah, hah! I can't see anyone calling you "Gramps."

ROGER smiles uncomfortably, and MOSELLE laughs. HOLLY hasn't moved from her chair or said anything. She's half-covering her huge smile with her hand.

HOLLY finally decides to rescue ROGER, just as MOSELLE fully unfolds a voluminous wallet of pictures.

HOLLY: Moselle, how do you like The Love Bug?

MOSELLE: I like it. I can see myself selling it. But, I'll have to think about it. [Closing her wallet--mercifully!]

ROGER: Why, sure . . .

HOLLY: Good. Come back and talk to us soon.

MOSELLE: Oh, don't worry. [Looks up at ROGER] I won't forget you, honey.

After MOSELLE walks away . . .

ROGER [In a small voice]: I want to go home now.

HOLLY: What's the matter? Didn't you like a nice grandmother looking at you like you have no clothes on?

ROGER: I'm leaving--now.

ROGER turns away, but stops in his tracks when he hears HOLLY say . . .

HOLLY: Wait! I have to give you your convention hat!

ROGER: My what?

HOLLY: Convention hat. [She reaches under the table, as if to find something.] It's real cute. Kinda like a Shriner's hat with mouse ears.

ROGER: Listen, there is not enough money in the world to get me to wear that hat.

ROGER comes towards HOLLY as he says this, and she stands back up again, with no hat, but laughing at him.

ROGER: What's so funny?

HOLLY: There's no hat. You'd thought I'd told you there was a skunk on the lawn.

ROGER: Don't start about the skunk. I really am allergic to them. Okay?

HOLLY: Skunks, and convention hats, now?

ROGER: You're makin' fun of me.

HOLLY: What, me--you? Nah. Hey.

ROGER: Hey, hey, nah, what, ho, hah . . .

They laugh.

ROGER: You know, for a moment there, I could have sworn you didn't hate me.

HOLLY: Oh, I must have forgotten about that.

ROGER: That's the nicest thing you've said to me in months.

HOLLY: Well, don't get too carried away. I'm sure we'll be back in the trenches before too long. [She turns away from ROGER.]

ROGER: Yeah. Sure.

At this point, Stereotype #3 appears--a short balding man who eyes HOLLY as he says lustfully, "Which one of you wants to tell me about The Love Bug?" HOLLY looks pleadingly at ROGER, who takes the cue and leads the gentleman back to a video screen . . .

ROGER: Ah, hey. I'd be happy to. Come right over here, and let me introduce you to our hostess, Nadine Cooper.

HOLLY smiles to herself, but then changes her expression suddenly. She crumbles up a napkin in her hands, and remembers Alexandra's words, "It's the only way. Then you're free of him."

ROGER and HOLLY return to room 416. HOLLY takes off her heels. They are laughing.

HOLLY: That wasn't too bad, was it?

ROGER: Moselle ... that was bad! You owe me ... big time!

HOLLY [Seeing a bouquet on her dresser]: Oh, what beautiful flowers! Thank you!

ROGER: I didn't send 'em.

HOLLY: Oh, it's from Blake. Isn't that sweet?

The phone rings.

ROGER: I'll get it.

HOLLY: Oh, no. I'd better do that!

ROGER: Oh, sorry.

HOLLY [into the phone]: Oh, Ross! I was expecting you to call. Just a second, okay? [To ROGER, in a low tone] I'll see you in the morning?

ROGER: You hungry?

HOLLY: Uh, yeah, I guess.

ROGER: You want to catch something to eat downstairs?

HOLLY: Yeah, sure. Why not?

ROGER: Okay. I'll come back for you in half an hour.

HOLLY: Okay. Fine. [As ROGER leaves] You were good.

As ROGER leaves, HOLLY continues her phone conversation--but it's with ALEXANDRA, not with ROSS. The conversation doesn't reveal a great deal, but signals the viewer that nothing happening that day has thwarted HOLLY'S resolve to go through with the plan.

That is not to say that HOLLY isn't nervous--although about exactly what, it's hard to tell. A little later, in evening dress and rifling through her make-up, HOLLY mutters to herself . . .

HOLLY: Okay, calm down. Calm down. There's nothing to worry about. You don't have to do anything, really. . . Just enough. Just enough to prove to Alex that he would--he would betray her. [She hears a knock.] Uh, just a second.

ROGER stands outside her door, extremely nervous. He straightens his tie, and takes a deep breath, as HOLLY opens the door and asks, "Ready?"