Cliff House: The Mourning After, continued

HOLLY rejoins ROGER at the railing. He looks over the lethal drop from the CLIFF HOUSE into the ravine below.

ROGER: I've been contemplating this drop ... trying to decide if I should close my eyes and jump if you turn me down.

HOLLY: Don't even joke about that!

ROGER: I'm not joking Holly. I don't know if I'm capable of living without you now.

HOLLY [a touch sardonically]: You don't want to live with me either; you've just forgotten.

ROGER: It wouldn't be like that.

HOLLY: No. It would be worse. [ROGER looks at her in shock.] Come on, we've lived too long to be able to fool ourselves the way we used to in the old days, thinking that raging battles and then fierce making-up were all a part of romance. I don't have the stamina for that anymore. I can't ride the roller coaster, Roger. It's not what I want.

ROGER: What do you want, Holly?

HOLLY: I want someone to have a life with me, but also to have a life without me, so that I'm not totally responsible for their happiness. [ROGER is hurt.] I want serenity. Roger, I don't want to wake up at four o'clock with a phone call—somebody threatening me because of something you've done! I don't want to have to defend you to all the people that you hurt! [HOLLY and ROGER look at each other for a moment.] I'm sorry.

There is a slight pause.

ROGER: I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I haven't lived a kinder life. But, Holly, I can start. If I have you, I can do anything. If I don't have to run around like a madman trying to compensate for not having you, I can ditch, I can free myself of a hundred things that have dragged me down.

HOLLY gives him a sad smile.

HOLLY: So what are you gonna do? You gonna be a beach bum? You gonna carve little things out of wood while I go off to work every day? [ROGER smiles, shrugs.]

Our lives don't fit anymore, Roger. You're talking about the long haul here. I don't think we have what it takes. [ROGER nods, as if he understands, but his expression changes as HOLLY continues.]

HOLLY[ more forcefully]: Now, I'm not going to stand here and say I don't have feelings for you. You know that I do. Whole layers of my skin get ripped off and I'm left totally unprotected from you. You know that ... [She pauses.] but I don't want that anymore. I can't marry you.

In the kitchen at the BAUER HOUSE

ED: I knew this day was gonna come. I just didn’t know when. And I always thought that I might ... end up telling you something that you already knew.

MICHELLE: I did know it. And I didn’t.

ED: It’ s different, though, isn’t it? I mean, it’s one thing to wonder about something horrible and another thing when somebody tells you the bad stuff is true.

MICHELLE looks at the table for a second.

ED: But I sort of had the feeling you were ready to hear the truth from me today, Michelle. . . Was I wrong?

MICHELLE [shaking her head]: No. You’re not wrong. I . . I should clear the dishes. [She goes to the sink and tries to turn it on.] What’s wrong with the water?

ED: Oh, uh, I was, I was . . . I turned it off underneath because I was . . . let me fix the faucet . . there.

MICHELLE [seeing a cut on ED’S wrist]: What’s that?

ED: Oh, I must have cut myself on the rocks.

MICHELLE: Does it hurt? It looks terrible.

ED: No. I mean, it looks a lot worse than it is.

MICHELLE: Did you put something on it?

ED: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet.

MICHELLE: Sit down.

ED: Honey ...

MICHELLE: Go on, sit down!

ED sits at the kitchen bar. MICHELLE gets the first aid supplies and begins to tend the wound.

MICHELLE: If you don’t put something on it, it may get infected. Isn’t that what you always told me?

ED: Yes.

MICHELLE: Am I hurting you?

ED: No. How did you get so good at this?

MICHELLE: It’s like I always tell everyone. My father’s a doctor.

ED and MICHELLE hug. There are tears in ED’S eyes.

Immediate CUT to . . .

CLIFF HOUSE, where ROGER walks along the patio, looking through the sliding glass doors at the rumpled bed.

ROGER [angry with himself]: I can’t believe I could have been so wrong.

HOLLY [looking into the ravine]: Oh, It’s my fault. I got into bed with you. What were you supposed to think?

ROGER: I didn’t think! That’s what was so ... I didn’t try to control anything. I just let it happen. Now you’re telling me I made it all up.

HOLLY: No, that’s not what I’m saying!

ROGER: Well, just don’t say anymore. I’ve got a lot of endurance, Holly, but I don’t think I can take another hit right now.

HOLLY: Roger, please ... [she tries to touch his shoulder]

ROGER [shrugging her hand off]: Please, what? Understand? Never, never, never will I understand why you deny yourself! You don’t want to ride the roller coaster. You don’t want to feel too much. What the hell pathetic excuse for life is that?

HOLLY looks at him as if she’s preparing for battle.

ROGER: What’s the real reason, Holly? Or should I say, “Who”?

HOLLY: What are you talking about?

ROGER: Oh, c’mon now. It’s Ed, isn’t it? [She sighs, annoyed.] You’re waiting for Ed to come back and provide all this peace and serenity you claim you need.

HOLLY [taking a nasty tone]: Ed has nothing to do with anything I’ve said to you!

ROGER [yells, interrupting her]: Don’t lie to me! Don’t you lie to me!

HOLLY: Look, I am not going to deny that Ed is important in my life. He’s always been there for me. He’s very real to me. [averting her eyes] Maybe I measure other people up against him, but that is not why I can’t be with you!

ROGER [quietly, hatefully]: I should have let him die!

ROGER walks away, leaving an exasperated HOLLY looking out over the railing.

Next Episode: Holly's Lie