The I Just Married Alex Kiss

March 19, 1990

SCENE: WSPR, on the main stage and in HOLLY’S office, during the Spaulding telethon. ROGER has just married ALEX, and HOLLY and ROSS have discovered that ROGER is the silent partner who owns fifty percent of WSPR. HOLLY and ROSS stand by one of the monitors, watching as ROGER pleads to the Springfield television-viewing audience.

ROGER: Hello, I’m Roger Thorpe, president of Spaulding Enterprises. We at Spaulding appreciate your generous support of the people who lost their homes in that tragic fire. Give, and then give some more. Thank you . . . and thank you, Nadine.

As NADINE takes over the broadcast, ROGER walks out of camera range. ROSS catches hold of his arm and stops him.

ROGER [pulling away from ROSS]: Later, I’m busy.

ROSS: Now, Roger!

ROGER follows HOLLY and ROSS into HOLLY’S office. Throughout the scene, ROSS sounds like a prig, ROGER is extremely amused with himself and the situation, and HOLLY . . . well, HOLLY is hard to read. She is outraged, but the anger has a special charge to it.

ROSS: Sit down, Roger. You have a lot of explaining to do.

ROGER: Shall I shut the door?

ROSS: Yes, please.

ROGER [lightly]: So, what’s this all about?

ROSS: Holly and I want to buy you out.

ROGER: Oh, I see. So you know?

ROSS: You know damned well that we know. We will make you a reasonable offer.

ROGER mulls over this for a split-second, not taking the idea the least bit seriously.

ROGER: Not interested.

ROSS: I didn’t think you would be. After all, you didn’t buy into the station as an investment. You did it for personal reasons.

ROGER: Ya think?

ROSS: What else could it be? Money is no longer the issue. You’ve got plenty of that now.

ROGER: Oh, you mean because I married Alexandra?

ROSS: Well, that’ll do for starters.

[HOLLY, who has stared at ROGER so far, looks away from him for a second.]

ROGER: Just for the record, Counselor, I was already doing very well on my own.

ROSS: Then why, why buy into the station behind our backs, when you know very well we don’t want anything to do with you?

ROGER: Exactly. If I’d have come to you upfront, you’d have turned me down flat.

ROSS: Uh, huh. So instead you went to Elliot Hayes.

ROGER: Very nice man. Very discreet. He made it possible for me to be of help to you anonymously.

HOLLY [sardonic, enraged]: Help?

HOLLY clenches her teeth and leans back in her office chair as ROSS continues.

ROSS: Roger, I cannot make this any clearer. We don’t want your kind of help.

ROGER: What is it with you two? Why do you have to read ”evil intent” into everything I do?

ROSS: Want a list?

ROGER: All right. Look, for your information, I invested in the station to help Holly.

HOLLY: “To help Holly”?!

ROGER: Yes, “to help Holly.” Look, I hurt you once, very badly. This was my way of trying to make amends. [HOLLY can’t even look at him, she’s seething so with rage.] Look, I knew you wanted the TV station. I knew that Ross didn’t have the resources. No offense, Ross, but you don’t. But you’d done me some good turns. I thought that it was time I returned the favor.

ROSS [after a brief pause]: Roger, you don’t do favors for anybody! Now, why did you buy into the station?

ROGER: I told you! I’m not going to stand here and repeat myself! Look, if my involvement is so disturbing to you, let me remind you that I have been a truly silent partner. I have no plans to change that. You guys are doing a terrific job. [enjoying himself.] Of course, now that my little secret is out, I might pop back in from time to time, take a look around, see what’s goin’ on, look through the books, that sort of thing.

This speech brings HOLLY to her feet in exasperation. The phone rings, and HOLLY picks it up.

HOLLY: What is it? [a pause] Thanks, Gilly, I’ll tell him.

As HOLLY talks, ROGER gives her an appreciative top-to-toe glance.

HOLLY [to ROGER]: You’re wanted on stage. The Chamber of Commerce wants to give you a check. [By her tone, she may just as well have said, “To hell with you.”]

ROGER [grinning]: Duty calls. Is my tie on straight?

HOLLY: Would you like me to “tighten” it for you?

ROGER [pauses, smiling broadly]: No thanks. I’ll manage.

ROGER turns to go, and gives HOLLY and ROSS a flat-handed wave.

ROGER: See ya ‘round, partners.

As ROGER shuts the door behind him, HOLLY gets out of her chair again.

HOLLY: Ugh! Damn him!!

ROSS: I tried to tell you.

HOLLY: What?!

ROSS: You are the reason he bought into WSPR, and he just confirmed it.

HOLLY: There’s more to it than that.

ROSS: Holly, I will take care of Roger; you run the station.

HOLLY: I don’t think I can do that anymore!

ROSS [losing patience]: Holly, I mean it! Forget Roger!

ROSS leaves the room, and HOLLY immediately turns on one of the monitors in her office and watches ROGER receiving the check.

ROGER-on-TV: We thank you sincerely, Mr. Tyler. How about this? Let’s get this up on the big board, Nadine.

NADINE-on-TV: That is a big one!

ROGER-on-TV: It sure is. Thank you again, Mr. Tyler. You know, this seems as good a time as any for me to make a special announcement.

HOLLY [talking over ROGER as he continues]: What, devil’s shorthanded? Needs you back?

ROGER-on-TV: ...and the other, as co-owner of WSPR!

NADINE-on-TV: Well, let’s hear it for our new boss, the very generous and supportive Mr. Roger Thorpe!

HOLLY: I hate you, Roger. As God is my witness, I hate you!

ROGER-on-TV: All the praise must really go to my two co-owners, Mr. Ross Marler and Ms. Holly Lindsay. And in fact, Ross, Holly, why don’t you come out here and join me and take a nice big bow?

HOLLY: I’m not gonna come to you. You’re gonna come to me. And you will, Roger. You will.

NADINE-on-TV: No doubt they are back stage, making sure that our telethon continues to run smoothly.

Later the same night . . .

ROGER walks in and takes a seat as she speaks. He makes another of those flat-handed waves in salutation. It’s worth noting that ROGER unthinkingly leaves the door open.

HOLLY: I’d appreciate it if you’d knock before you enter my office.

ROGER [wagging his finger facetiously]: You know, you don’t seem too surprised that I’m your “mystery partner.”

HOLLY: That’s because I know you.

ROGER: Oh, so nothing I do surprises you?

HOLLY: The only thing that surprises me is that it took you so long to stage your comeback. Of course, it takes a long time for people to forget what you did, if they ever forget. [Then, lightly, ironically]: But you don’t care about that. You’re back in your hometown now, where everybody hates you. And you’ve got a foothold again. [ROGER grins, and nods.] Well, no, [His face smalls slightly, until she says . . . ] You did better than that. You’re king of the mountain now. [He’s back to smiling.] Congratulations.

ROGER: Thanks. I’ve worked very hard for everything I’ve got. I paid my dues, and I’ve been rewarded. It’s the American way.

HOLLY: That’s a nice touch, hiding behind the American flag.

ROGER [leaning forward]: You know, Holly, my running days are over. It’s business, pure and simple. Don’t take it so personally. [He leans back again.]

HOLLY: Was your marriage to Alexandra “business”?

ROGER: No. Alexandra and I are good for each other. I care about her. She is an amazing woman. And she’s the only person in this whole stinking town who believed in me.

HOLLY [quietly sarcastic]: That’s her mistake.

ROGER stands beside the chair, and throws down the gauntlet:

ROGER: Alex and I are going to be happy together. [He nods slightly, defiantly.]

HOLLY and ROGER stare at each other for a second. HOLLY gets up and sashays over to where ROGER is standing.

HOLLY [as she walks]: So, you’ve got just about everything you want now, Roger? [He nods, and then she asks, insinuatingly . . .] Everything, Roger?

ROGER gulps. His nose and HOLLY’S are about four inches from each other.

ROGER’S eyes close. His id knows what it wants, but his ego fights it [for all of five long seconds, by the transcriber’s watch]. Suddenly, ROGER grabs HOLLY’S face and kisses her enthusiastically, with a groan.

HOLLY pulls away from ROGER and slaps him; and, as he stands with his hand to his face:

HOLLY: That’s why you bought into the station! You thought you could have it all! Well, you can’t have me, not ever!

As ROGER leaves the office, HOLLY belatedly sees ROSS standing in the open doorway. She runs after him.

HOLLY: Oh, Ross, no, wait!

Transcriber’s comment: Oops.